Healing Hands?

Yesterday was one of the regular Public Holidays in India, this one celebrating a form of harvest festival – the harvest in question being sugar cane currently sold by impromptu stalls on most street corners in 9ft lengths. We passed a cane stall whilst taking the opportunity to test drive our local Spa ( as opposed to our local Spar with which we are already well acquainted). This has the distinct advantage of being just across the road.

On arrival we were required to fill out and extensive questionnaire to help determine our Ayurvedic body type – these being one of Vatta, Pitta, Kapha. I was not entirely sure that my answers were unaffected by the Kapha type being characterised as phlegm-like, and for many questions none of the answers seemed flattering to my western eyes. I am unconvinced as yet of all this palaver.

Progressing to the changing room it became apparent that their garments were designed for the relatively diminutive south Indian build, so that I emerged from the changing room in a robe showing even more cleavage than that on display on a Friday night out in Chester le Street. The ‘very snug’ disposable paper pants completed my ‘relaxing’ outfit.

The massage began with the usual spiritual background music, which unfortunately resembled the theme music from the ‘Tales of the Unexpected’ TV series, which gave the experience a slightly sinister undertone. This was slightly amplified when it became clear that the masseur was not that familiar with nail clippers adding a certain frissant. The volume and consistency of Border Reiver requiring massaging also appeared to present a significant physical challenge to the male masseur looking after me. Having a now slightly panting man vigorously massaging my inner thighs might have been un-nerving if I had not had my rugby experiences to fall back on.

Things proceeded more conventionally with a sauna and shower (no thigh massaging involved) and being served herbal tea by a Char wallah whilst changing.

Mrs Reiver emerged rather more chilled out after opting for the hot stones version but did admit to ‘nearly decking’ the masseuse when she tweaked here sensitive back the wrong way.

So our spiritual quest through India has started, but (just as a Chester le Street Friday night) it is not yet clear whether it will end up with cosy intimacy or a punch up. Seconds out - round two – Ding Dong