Mrs Reiver suggested the other day that it was just possible that the frustrations of living in India were starting to manifest themselves through some Grumpy Old Man behavior on my part. Whilst I explained that she must be mistaken as it is a truth universally acknowledged that my personality represents a cool peaceful pond of serenity, shaded by the trees of calmness and wafted by the breezes of inner tranquility - not all of my ancestors were quite so relaxed. The original Border Reivers certainly had a strong 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough' streak and roamed the middle marches yielding to no-one; 'Scottish if forced, English at will and a Reiver by grace of blood' - well put that man. These genes seem to have partially skipped my generation - those who were there will remember the look of genuine surprise on my face when I was penalised for what the 'mericans would call 'Unnecessary Roughness' a couple of years ago playing rugby. The force flows strong however in my children as anyone who has seen my daughter play netball can testify. So, - whilst I clearly sail through our life here in an untroubled fashion - I do believe that others can occasionally find India a frustrating place. On such occasions this concern/anger/frustration can be expressed in various forms - a few which percolated through my head from popular culture are listed below = Yes It's Competition Time: 1. Don't make me angry - you won't like me when I'm angry
2. I'm tellin you Jim, she canna take any more
3. I warned you but now I'm going to have to give you a really good thrashing
4. You say you want the truth - You can't handle the truth
5. For my daughter Leonora, without whose help, this book would have been finished in half the time
6. I don't believe it!
7. You cannot be serious man
8. I'm going to rip off your head and spit down the hole
9. Touch my drawing again and I will break your fingers
10. What we have here is a failure to communicate
Clue: at least one of them is Mrs Reiver
Answers - Sources of all 10 please by posting comment
Prize - A bottle of India's finest wine delivered in time for Christmas ( I sound just like the Times magazine)
The message must be don't bottle it up, and so If I ever get frustrated by India I will of course try and express myself as I were the unlikely lovechild of Noel Coward and Oscar Wilde.
Must dash I am needed.
'Yes Yes coming Cybil my little Pirahna'
7 comments:
Competition! Well here goes....
1) Dr David Bruce Banner (Incredible Hulk)
2) Scotty
3) Basil Fawlty
4) Lt Daniel Kaffee (A few good men)
5) PG Wodehouse
6) Victor Meldrew
7) John McEnroe
8) Sergeant Hartman (Full Metal Jacket)
9) No idea..... Mrs Reiver perhaps?
10) Luke Jackson (Cool Hand Luke)
I fear I'm showing my age here!!!
....doh.... correction, answer to (4) is Col. Nathan R. Jessep. No idea what made me think of that on the way into work!!!!!
Wow, someones anorak is as shiny as mine - hope this doesnt mean Durham is not keeping you busy
D
I know it's sad isn't it! More like sleepless nights.....
BTW, how's your tandoori stottie recipe coming on?
Hey Dave
Your blog is keeping the troops going in dreary Durham's REDSS or should that be 'the B.O.R.E.D team' I forget what the acronym stands for! A cup of tea and Dave's blog what can be better!
Looking forward to the book.
Lindsey
My first fan mail - and from someone of the Wagnerian bionic persuasion - I shall go an lie down in a darkened room with a cammomile tea and bask in the euphoria, and dream of large women in horned helmets - all of course in tastefully dynamic slow motion
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