15 Days and 14 Nights

I decided that it would not be particularly helpful to spend too long contemplating the view from my bedroom window (encl), so instead I thought: So you have now been in Bangalore for a typical Holiday period - what would you recommend to the potential visitor as the must dos???

Must Dos - Border Reiver Style

1. Coffee at the Leela Palace - this '7 star' hotel is so over the top it must be seen, but consistent with Indian Maintenance standards though recently built is starting to show some signs of wear and tear - go for the Barista coffee in the grounds

2. Dinner at i-t-Alia in the Park Hotel - it is a haven of simplicity in an overelaborated and not-thought-through city, and the food is fantastic - just make sure that you don't have to sit close beside business diners talking loudly and in an ill-informed manner about their plans and the world economy?

3. Try the 'curry' cocktails at the i-bar (no I am not on a retainer from the Park Hotel) they just make you want to eat/cook, the Indian wines can be a little more shall we say variable

4. Look where you are walking: the pavement may contain unexpected gaps, cow-pats, sleeping itinerants, discarded guava and occasionally even pavement

5. Bring a sound recorder and ear plugs - it is never quiet but you can have lots of fun when you get home trying to identify the strange half organic - half industrial noises which pervade the nights here

6. Embrace the chaos of the traffic - don't try to fight it - the concept of a pedestrian crossing is just another moving target - perhaps there is a niche product for personal horns for pedestrians here so that they can fully join in the game of 'Honk-opoloy' - do not pass anything without honking

7. Do bring several good books and an i-pod for the time you will spend in traffic jams

8. Do bring a very good pen as you will need to sign innumerable forms which you will probably never see again - form signing here is a bit like a refined local art form as a ritualised dance. It is a bit like watching a play in a foreign language - you can get the sense of it and appreciate some of the better flourishes, but probably never pick up the finer nuances of the bureaucratic performances

9. Take a pre-visit course on the origins and structure of marble and granite - so that you can while away the quieter moments appreciating your surroundings

10. Enjoy the 'department stores' - they are like Arkwrights emporium on speed and with extra security - the plastic kitchen goods are a delight - I treasure my lemon 'squasher'

Clearly sheep-stealing would have been on the list in Border Reiver tradition but have only seen cows and goats wandering the streets so far ......